Definition Limericks With a Religious Twist

Looking through the definitions that I've submitted to OEDILF.com, I noticed that a lot of them centered on religious topics. This wasn't intentional but I do think about religion quite a bit and apparently it comes through when I write. Some of the defined words are specifically religious, others only fit this category because of the way I used them, but my hope is that all are entertaining or thought-provoking in some way.

The first one defines the word Damascene...

Really Really Sup Par Writing

Yes, I understand... this isn't poetry but it definitely is sub par. But that was the point, the following two pieces, I was writing for the purpose of writing poorly. See for yourself.

Skip To The End

Double dactyl, written for a contest with a theme on "Time":

Skip to the End
Tickety Tockety!
Jason the Clockwatcher
Has eight more hours until
He can go play.

Temporal oddities!
Unsynchronology!
Mentally done but just
Starting the day.

Metrical Feet

I was doing a quick refresher this morning on metrical feet in poetry. The first thing I noticed was that "metrical feet" sounds like a contradiction in terms. There are no feet in the metric system, or so I thought. Turns out, "feet" in verse are not the 12-inch variety of feet, but are small groupings of syllables matching various stress patterns. Getting this basic fact straight, I thought the rest would slide right into place. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Investigating further, I found that the names of these feet are very misleading. You'd think the names of metrical feet could at least match the meter they are defining. Take, for instance, the anapest foot. An anapest foot is two unstressed syllables followed by a stressed syllable, as in "macaroon" (mac-a-ROON). Wouldn't it just make sense if the word "anapest" could follow this pattern (an-a-PEST)? I am sad to say this isn't the case. "Anapest" is pronounced (AN-a-pest) which actually follows the stress pattern of a dactyl. And it gets worse. Read on and see...

OEDILF: Earned Income and Economic

Definitions of Earned Income and Economic, submitted to the OEDILF:

My earned income's exceeded by bills,
Though I don't live a lifestyle with frills.
I've low earning potential;
Some help is essential,
So remember me, please, in your wills.

Economic: relating to money,
Like my bank account. Ha! Now that's funny...
Well, both tragic and comic.
I've defined economic
Very poorly; at least it was punny.

Tom Swifty Limericks

I submitted a few Tom Swifty limerick definitions at the OEDILF.

demissly
Since the acci'ent, Tom has felt blessed,
And his 'octors have all been impressed.
Though his Ds are unsung,
He still speaks (with no tongue).
"No big 'eal," Tom demissly expressed.

(dee-MISS-lee): humbly

---------

blimpishly
In a zeppelin race overseas,
The French team veered left from a breeze.
"I've got this one bagged,"
Herr Tom blimpishly bragged,
"I beat left-leaning Frenchies with ease."

You are blimpish if you could be described as being proud of your ultraconservative nationalist views.

---------

benignantly
"I am holding nine ants in my palm,
And I've pledged to be gracious and calm.
I won't harm these poor strays."
This benevolent phrase
Was benignantly spoken by Tom.

Double Dactyl - Take Two

My second try:

Limerick Gimmerick
Jason of Pendleton
Tried double-dactyls while
Fearing the worst.

Uh-oh-spaghetti-o!
They're all bass-ackwards cuz
He's used to anapest
(Dactyls reversed).